


Happy Life

by LacieFuyu



Series: Happy Life (It really was) [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Gen, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mourning, Please prepare tissue, Rafe and Max are sweet son
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 15:00:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10699413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LacieFuyu/pseuds/LacieFuyu
Summary: Thank you for the happiness you gave meand Goodbye





	Happy Life

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Another one shot from me!
> 
> As you can see this is in no way is a happy fics despite the title.
> 
> Prepare tissue.
> 
> This fic is inspired by a certain tweet and some art from @mortallwarlock. 
> 
>  
> 
> Betaed by Guardian_Rose!! Please check her fic when you have time ^^
> 
> Warning: Beside the Major Character Death, It's also dealing with grief.

It was full of happiness. 

  
  
The life he led with Alec and his children was a happy one. He had loved and had been loved in that life. 

  
  
His married life with Alec was wonderful. He woke up beside the man he loved every day, he became the reason Alec smiled and likewise. They went on vacation together, relied on each other in the battles, become each other's support. Their families were growing big as they raised their two beloved children  and they had nephews and nieces.

  
  
Seeing his children and their nephews and nieces together was one of the best things ever happened. 

  
  
All of them adored Max despite his apparent blue skin and his horns. They didn't care about it and loved him dearly. He was their favorite cousin and perfect partner-in-crime, small details not important that’s what they said.

  
  
Meanwhile, Rafael was the older brother that always took care of them. He always looked out for his little brother and cousins. He scolded them when they out of line but beside that, he was always showering them in love. In a way, he was similar to Alec. Even the way he did eye rolls was similar to Alec. 

  
  
Both Magnus and Max liked to tease them about it which earned eye rolls from both of them. That only made both Max and Magnus have fits of laughter.

  
  
Even so, Rafael had very good fashion sense like Magnus instead of Alec and Max channeled Alec's sweaters. Magnus only could sigh sometimes but at any given chance he would purge some of it. 

  
  
Alec and Max would searched for it frantically, they knew it was Magnus who did it but Magnus was good at avoiding them when they were searching for it and Rafael usually shut up about it and pretended he didn't know about their sweaters.

  
  
Which only earned stink eyes from both Max and Alec which Rafael responded to with eye rolls and shrugs.

  
  
They were similar and yet very much different, connected in more than one way than blood. That was their family.

  
  
Their family was born out of love. It was something that had never crossed Magnus's mind that he actually had a chance to have a family. 

  
  
He had a family with the love of his life.

  
  
It was more than anything he could ask for.

  
  
He was so happy to the point it made him forget a fact. A Fact that finally come back to his mind as the years passed.

  
  
He was _Immortal_ and Alec was _mortal._

_  
_  
He would look as young as he was when his immortality started to kick in forever and Alec would look older as each year passed.

  
  
Their time was limited but Magnus almost forgot. Almost.

  
  
He started to remember when he started to see grey hairs more often in Alec's hair.

  
  
It wasn't about his appearance that bothered Magnus because it didn't matter for him. Whether there was laugh line or his hair turned all grey, it didn't matter. He loved Alec more than his appearance alone. He loved Alec, heart and soul. 

  
  
Even so, it was a reminder. A reminder that the time he had with Alec was slowly decreasing. Slowly but surely.

  
  
Magnus was not ready.

  
  
_Not now, not ever._

_  
_  
"Magnus."

  
  
Magnus came out of his reverie. His eyes met the pair of warm hazel eyes. There was concern in his eyes. Magnus’ heart ached because he didn't mean to worry Alec.

  
  
Alec touched his right cheek and rubbed it. It felt warm against his cool skin. 

  
  
"Are you alright, Magnus? You look pale and your skin feels cool…"

  
  
Magnus's hand found its way to Alec's hand. He closed his eyes and basking himself in Alec's warm. Searching for reassurance.

  
  
He anchored himself, reminded himself that Alec was here. He would be here for more long years and he wouldn't go anytime soon.

  
  
"Mags?"

  
  
Magnus opened his eyes and met the still concerned hazel eyes. Magnus smiled softly. His free hand found its way to Alec's cheek.

  
  
"I am fine Alexander, there is nothing to worry about"

  
  
But Alec was not convinced

  
  
"Alright my ass, you looked like you were ready to drop dead right where you stand."

  
  
Magnus opened his mouth but nothing came out from it. He closed it. He didn't know what to say. 

  
  
Instead of trying to reassure Alec that he was fine, Magnus hugged Alec.

  
  
Magnus hugged him hard. He hugged him as if he would vanish into thin air.

  
  
Magnus tucked his own head in the crook of Alec's neck. He tried to calm himself and drown himself in Alec's smell. He smelt like sandalwood. His favorite or more like their favorite.

  
  
Magnus suddenly felt Alec's hand on his head and another one of his back. He could feel his hand massage his scalp and then brush his hair slowly while the other hand was trying to loosen some tension from his neck.

  
  
Magnus didn't offer any explanation nor did Alec ask about it. He let himself be reassured. His husband didn't know the reason why he was being like this or he might know but didn't say anything.

  
  
_“I am here, still, for a long time”_ , Alec suddenly whispered. “ _It'll be alright, I promise”_

  
  
Magnus choked on his own sobs. Magnus knew nothing could be alright because it was inevitable that Magnus would lose the love of his life. He would lose Alec eventually. 

  
  
He couldn't bear it. Imagining the world where Alec no longer existed anymore, where he was dead it made him want to cry and scream.

  
  
But he didn't.

  
  
Instead, he sobbed in Alec's embrace. He sobbed for the future that had yet come. It crossed his mind again that maybe this was just his curse. To love someone and lose all of them eventually.

  
  
XXXX

  
  
"Pa."

  
  
Magnus looked up from the book he was currently reading and met Rafael's grin. Rafael rushed to him and hugged him tightly. It earned a laugh from Magnus.

  
  
"I missed you Pa "

  
  
"We just met a week ago and you already missed me, Rafe"

  
  
Magnus winked to Rafael who responded with a grin.

  
  
"I can miss my parents anytime for all I care"

  
  
Magnus smiled softly.

  
  
"Of course I miss you and Max all the time but you two have your responsibility to do."

  
  
Rafael smiled sheepishly. Rafael was the head of the New York Institute. Both Clary and Jace thought no one would be better than Rafael to run the New York Institute.

  
  
Rafael was reluctant to accept it at first but Max, their cousins and his girlfriend (now wife) called him out. They assured him he was the perfect choice and they would support him from behind.

  
  
Max was currently teaching at Shadowhunter Academy. He was loved by the children and his playful ways of teaching were the thing that drew children to him.

  
  
That's why it was even harder to meet Max lately. Magnus missed him but he knew he had his responsibility and didn't blame him.

  
  
Despite that, he still missed his sons. So did Alec.

  
  
So for him this was such a pleasant surprise to get. 

  
  
Rafael settled himself beside Magnus. They started to tell each other about what currently happening in their life. 

  
  
Rafael mostly told him how silly his cousins were sometimes and some antics they pulled in the Institute. Rafael told him how Joshua sneaked around the Institute to prank their fellow colleagues and how Rafael had to pretend he didn't see it because the one who got pranked actually deserved it.

  
  
Magnus laughed at that.

  
  
"Joshua and his pranks. Ever since his childhood days he never stopped."

  
  
"Yes but it was mostly to prank dad because he had a _HUGE_ crush on you, Pa"

  
  
Both of them laughed.

  
  
It was such a funny thing to remember because he kept pranking Alec every time he saw him together with Magnus. It was amusing. Not for Alec of course but still funny to see nonetheless.

  
  
"You never stop teasing him about it though."

  
  
"Nope, it's fun"

  
  
Magnus chuckled. Rafael might be the older brother who always tried to keep his little brother and cousins in check but at any given chance he would tease them to no end which always ended up in playful banter between all of them.

  
  
"How is Mafuyu? I miss her too."

  
  
"She misses Dad and you too, Pa. She wanted to come with me today but she felt awful because of the morning sickness. So I asked Auntie Cat look after her."

  
  
Magnus raised an eyebrow.

  
  
"Morning sickness?"

  
  
Rafael blushed and fiddled with his hands. 

  
  
"Yeah... I wanted to tell Dad and you together but I just remembered Dad is at Idris currently but I want at least you to know about it Pa."

  
  
"About?"

  
  
"Actually... Mafuyu and I... We’re expecting a child"

  
  
As he said it, Magnus beamed.

 

  
"Rafe! I am so happy!"

  
  
Rafael brushed his nose and grinned happily. It was obvious he was so happy and Magnus couldn't help but be infected by that happiness.

  
  
"Thanks Pa. The only one who knows about this beside us is Auntie Cat. I will tell Dad and Max when they come back to New York which is tomorrow."

  
  
Magnus smiled and ruffled his hair.

  
  
"They will be ecstatic", Magnus said.

  
  
"Oh yeah, I can see Max literally beaming with happiness and Dad grinning happily."

  
  
Rafael pulled Magnus into his embrace. Magnus was surprised but hugged him back and patted his back.

  
  
Rafael let go of Magnus with a smile still painted on his face. 

  
  
Magnus smiled too but something inside him felt heavy. It wasn't because he was not happy. He was happy, ecstatic even. He would be a grandfather. There would be a new addition to their family. Their family was growing bigger.

  
  
But, it also served as a reminder. 

  
  
Their times. Alec and Rafael's time was decreasing. It was, slowly but surely. He could almost hear the time was ticking out. Fear gripped his heart. 

  
  
Magnus was afraid. Very afraid.

  
  
"Pa?"

  
  
Magnus came out of his reverie and met concerned eyed. Magnus mentally berated himself for getting lost in his own fears in front of his son. Rafael was observant. There was no way he could dodge him on this.

  
  
"What were you thinking, Pa?", Rafael asked attentively.

  
  
Magnus bit his lip. He wanted to deflect but his son's concerned eyes made him feel bad.

  
  
The response was already on tip of his tongue but he swallowed it again. He didn't want to lie to his son. Not when he could see how worried he was.

  
  
Magnus chose to not answer him and an uneasy silence settled between them. None of them said anything.

  
  
Rafael was the one who chose to break it.

  
  
"You were making that face, Pa."

  
  
Magnus raised an eyebrow, asking a silent question.

  
  
"A face that looked far away, looked to the uncertain future and hint of fears of that. I have seen that a few times in your face, Pa. Max also noticed. We were worried and Dad somehow knew what were you thinking when you made that face and always assured you with a small gesture but now you make that face again.... I worry about you, Pa"

  
  
Magnus opened his mouth but closed it again. It felt his voice was stuck in his throat and nothing could make it go away.

  
  
Rafael gripped both of Magnus' arms. Holding them firmly. 

  
  
"Pa, everyone who lives will die especially mortals like me. We will age and die eventually but don't focus on those thing. Focus on the happiness that’s happening around you, Pa. Life is too short to spend on such a depressing thing. I want you to remember us in happiness. So it could be beautiful memories instead of sad memories, Pa."

  
  
Rafael pulled Magnus into his embrace.

  
  
"We will always love you as you will always love us. So don't bear that fear alone. You can always talk to me. You can talk to Max too. You always take care of me and Max, now let us take care of you Pa. We love you so much and we wish for your happiness. So don't drown in that thought, instead resurface and let us give you memories that you can hold on to. Happiness you have with us."

  
  
Magnus was stunned. He didn't know what to say. He was touched. He could feel the love his son tried to convey desperately. So Magnus hugged him back.  He tried to convey how grateful he was.

  
  
"Thank you Rafe."

  
  
"You're welcome Pa."

  
  
XXXX

  
  
The sun shined quite brightly. It felt warm and peaceful. So Magnus and Alec decided to spend their time on their loft's balcony.

  
  
As Magnus sat on the Sofa, Alec immediately laid his head on Magnus' lap. Alec closed his eyes, feeling peaceful as Magnus played with his grey hair. He combed through it slowly.

  
  
It was already thin, Magnus noticed.

  
  
He shook his head slowly. He didn't want to think about it now. It almost never crossed his mind lately. He didn't want it to ruin this peace.

  
  
So Magnus kept running his hand through Alec's hair and then gave him a massage on his scalp. He could feel Alec relax.

  
  
Magnus smiled as a comfortable silence settled between them. It was so peaceful and calm. 

  
  
Magnus thought nothing would break that peace until Alec called him.

  
  
"Mags..."

  
  
Magnus looked down and smiled to him.

  
  
"Yes, Alexander?"

  
  
"Why?"

  
  
Magnus gave him a confused look as Alec opened his eyes. There was vulnerability and insecurities behind it and Magnus didn't like it one bit.

  
  
"Why would you still love me?"

  
  
Magnus felt like someone had stabbed his heart as the words rolled from Alec's mouth. Alec didn't realise it and continued.

  
  
"I no longer look like I did in my younger days nor am I as fit as before. All the wrinkles and laugh lines compared to you...."

  
  
Magnus didn't hear any of that. It pained his heart so much that Alec thought so little of himself that he thought as he grew older Magnus would love him less.

  
  
The tears burning behind his eyes fell without him realising. As one by one they touched Alec's face.

  
  
"Magnus?"

  
  
He heard him but he couldn't really process any of what he said. He let all tears fall as he couldn't stop it.

  
  
He felt someone brush his tears away, he would always recognize that hand anywhere.

  
  
_Alec's hand._  
  
It was bonier than it was before. He could feel his calloused hand on his left cheek, rubbed it slowly. He swiped all the tears on Magnus' cheek away.

  
  
Magnus came to realize as his sight slowly focused again that Alec was kneeling in front of him. There was guilt in his eyes. 

  
  
"Magnus, I-"

  
  
"Stupid Nephilim.... Of course I still love you. No matter any changes that happen, I will always love you."

  
  
Magnus could see Alec's eyes widen but Magnus ignored it and continued.

  
  
"For a long time I thought I was cursed. That I was incapable of being loved by people I loved and then I closed my heart for a long time until you finally came. You tore down a wall I had built around my heart and snuck away deep inside my heart. You are the best thing that has ever happened in my long life Alexander."

  
  
Magnus' hand found its way to Alec's cheeks. Magnus traced the laugh lines beside his eyes.

  
  
"Are you thinking your appearance would bother me? Would make me love you less? It's Impossible. Because Alexander, I love you more than appearance alone. I love your heart and soul. Any change in your appearance doesn't matter."

  
  
Magnus leaned his forehead to touch his husband's.

  
  
"You give me something I had never dreamed before, a family and love. How could trivial things like appearance  change it. I love you Alexander, with my whole heart."

  
  
Magnus pulled Alec to his arms. Embraced him tight yet tenderly.

  
  
"'Thank you, Magnus" Alec whispered with a shaky voice. "I love you too, with all my heart and I always will do."

  
  
Magnus didn't say anything back, just held Alec tighter. 

  
  
XXXX

  
  
Magnus knew. He always knew eventually he would lose him to death. He was a mortal and Magnus knew it.

  
  
Yet it still couldn't prepare him for the pain he felt right now.

  
  
Alec lay weak on his bed. His time had come. Magnus could feel it but he didn't want to. He didn't want to let go of him.

  
  
But he had to _eventually._

_  
_  
"Mag... nus...?"

  
  
Magnus snapped out of his reverie. Alec's hand searching for his hand blindly. He reached it.

  
  
"I am here Alexander. I am here"

  
  
Alec gripped as if Magnus would have gone if he let it go. Alec smiled weakly.

  
  
"There you are...."

  
  
Magnus kissed Alec's hand tenderly and used his free hand to rub Alec's right cheek slowly.

  
  
"Mags...."

  
  
"Yes Alexander?"

  
  
" _Thank you_.... Thank you for everything. For loving me wholeheartedly, for being the best husband and partner, for always being with me, for having a family with me. It's a life I never dreamed of before. I condemned myself to a life without happiness until I met you. Thank you Magnus for the happiness you gave me...."

  
  
Magnus’ tears fell. He leaned down to kiss Alec's forehead. 

  
  
"Take care of them, Magnus....." Alec whispered with his last strength "I love you Magnus Bane.... Thank you.... And Goodbye..."

  
  
As Alec took his last breath, Magnus shuddered and sobbed on Alec’s still chest. The pain ripping through his heart was almost unbearable.

  
  
He wanted nothing more than those beautiful eyes to be opened again, to hear his voice and his laugh again, be held by his arms again.

  
  
But there was no way.

  
  
He was dead and there was no coming back from it.

  
  
Magnus didn't know how much he was crying but it felt like a long time. He didn't remember when he started to lose his consciousness but he still remembered he said it. His last goodbye.

  
  
_I love you too ... and Goodbye, Alexander_

_  
_  
XXXX

  
  
The Funeral passed over. Magnus almost cannot recall anything about it. He just remembered a bit. He remembered his sons and grandchildren threw him worried looks. He tried to assure them with smiles but it was forced and they could see past that.

  
  
Max decided to live with him as he was worried. Magnus didn't blame him. He hardly reacted to anything. He just nodded when Max told him about his decision. Which made Max even more worried.

  
  
He felt numb as weeks passed. He couldn’t smile nor laugh in past weeks. Everything felt dull. He didn't want to wake up and remember that Alec was gone.

  
  
He didn't want to remember that Alec was no longer beside him when he awoke. He didn't want to remember that he would no longer awake with Alec looking at him with a smile painted his face. He didn't want to remember that he no longer could snuggle with him when he wanted to sleep longer.

  
  
He didn't want to but he still remembered anyway.

  
  
It was a gloomy day. He just woke up and felt disoriented. He tried to focus on something. He tried to remember the color of Alec's eyes. He froze. He could not remember what the exact color of them were.

  
  
He sat up in shock.

  
  
Magnus was afraid. He was afraid of forgetting Alec. His fears turned to be right. He forgot his eye color. What would he forget later? Would he forget his voice, his laugh?

  
  
Magnus shuddered. He didn't want that. He didn't want to forget every bit of Alec. The pain ripped through his body as he thought of that.

  
  
_No._

_  
_ _  
_ _No._

_  
_ _  
_ _No._

_  
_ _  
_ _I don't want that._

_  
_  
Magnus didn't realise he had been crying and Max heard him and entered. He only realized it when Max called him.

  
  
"Pa?", Max asked tentatively.

  
  
Magnus looked at him. Whatever Max saw in him definitely got him shook because his immediate reaction was to hug him.

  
  
Max drew soothing circles on his back, repeatedly. Magnus let himself be reassured by his son and didn't offer any reason for why he was crying.

  
  
After awhile he said it.

  
  
"I forgot the colour of his eyes, Blueberry. I’m starting to forget him. I don't want that. _I don't want that_."

  
  
Max let go of him but his hand held Magnus's arms tight yet gently.

  
  
"And you wouldn't forget Dad, Pa. I will make sure of it and not only me. Rafe, Auntie Cat, Auntie Tessa, Joshua and all your nephews, nieces and grandchildren would make sure of it!"

  
  
Max pulled his phone from his breast pocket. He searched frantically through his phone and showed it to Magnus.

  
  
"Look at this Pa. Dad's eye color was hazel. It was a warm color as you once said. We had so many pictures of him, videos of him even that one time I record him singing off-tune when he was drunk. You won't forget him Pa. I promise."

  
  
Magnus was stunned. 

  
  
Max did not stop at that. He reached Magnus’ arm and said.

  
  
"Please start living your life again Pa.... You are not alone. We are here. Live and remember Dad with your actions. Remember what he would do. That way he would be alive in away as the death is living through the memories of the living and they never left in away as long as we held them in our hearts"

  
  
Magnus's eyes glistened with unshed tears. He smiled softly.

  
  
"Ahh....." Magnus said. "My beloved Blueberry already grown up so much… Thank you Max"

  
  
Max pulled Magnus to his embrace again and Magnus let him. Magnus wrapped his hand around his back and drew soothing circles.

  
  
"I miss him too Pa but we will get through this. We will." Max said it and held him tighter.

  
  
Magnus put his faith in that.

  
  
XXXX

  
  
Magnus covered his eyes with his hand. It was such a bright day. Magnus smiled softly.

  
  
As he walked to the cemetery he looked through his bouquet of flowers. It made of white lilies, forget-me-nots, red poppies and pink carnations. He smelled it and smiled again. 

  
  
He stood in front of the tombstone. He put the bouquet of flowers in front of the tombstone and kneeled. He touched the carvings on the tombstone carefully.

  
  
"Hello Alexander," Magnus started "It's been few years without you and I still miss you."

  
  
"Rafe is still kicking some asses in his old days. I think our grandchildren sometimes can not keep up with him" He giggled. "Max is under Catarina's tutelage now. He wanted to be good at healing magic and he is still teaching at the academy. He really came to love teaching so much and I am glad for him."

  
  
"Many people miss you Alexander and I don't think we will ever cease to miss you but we learn to live with it."

  
  
Magnus looked at the tombstone and traced it gently. As if he didn't want to interrupt Alec's rest.

  
  
"I am taking care of them and I always will be"

  
  
He checked his watch and sighed.

  
  
"I have to go now. I will be back again of course. I still miss you a lot."

  
  
Magnus stood up and turned his back. He walked from the tombstone with a peaceful smile.

  
  
_I will back again, rest well Alexander._

**Author's Note:**

> Yelle to me at twitter 
> 
> @Delveiryu18
> 
>  
> 
> PS: Do you want to know the meaning of each flower i chose?


End file.
